you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
