Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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