Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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