my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
