I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He passed out mid-signature
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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