just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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