Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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