Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
