I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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