You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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