I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
