Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
