Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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