dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i have herpe
just one?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
