I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
