some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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