why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
