a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
