I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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