hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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