hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
