Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
