dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
