Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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