Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
