and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
