I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
