i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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