We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
