Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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