I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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