Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
