pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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