Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
