Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
