Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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