There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
