That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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