just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
