Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
