I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
