so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I could make wine with my vomit
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
