Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
