Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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