I hate all girls vehemently.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
