How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
