Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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