i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
