shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
