She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
