I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
