I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This baby is an asshole
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
