I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
