just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just tell him i said nine months
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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