i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
